VEILS OF LIFE

The unperterbed pool of glistering water beams with radiance at me as the ray of light touches its surface. The trancparency of the water reflects my mind and the thoughts as i watch the bed of the pond. I thought that the water was pure and seemed like glass that allowed my gaze to travel past the surface and reach the bed.
All this came to a hault with a tiny stone that was hurled into the pond from no where. It hit the bottom of the bed. The ripples reverberatd in my ears and lay before me was the murky water. The disturbed mud particals producing tindal effect was better felt in my heart.The truth struck me like a thunder storm. The transparency was gone.The muddy colour engulfed the whole pond making it opaque and shattereing my presumption.
Truth is not always what what stands before the eyes. It unravels itself only on searching for it. Everything that appears good has sommething else in store to be witnessed. There is nothing permanent in this world. Everything is a prejudiced presumption that keeps swaying with the changing direction of the wind.
The situations, people and circumstances we come across in our life are always not as simple and transparent as they appear. On stiring the subject we discover what is under cover that is hidden from our knowledge.
The unarmed victim to this mirage the life offers, alone is gulty for his ignorance. Life has always been in veils. The water in the pond has something more in the bed just than the transparent water.

WAIT

Batting my eye lashes i keep waiting. Wait seems eternal, untouched and unperturbed by the tide of time. Like the glow of a diamond under the volume of the ocean. The nature of the wait remains concealed from me, giving me a glimpse of its glow here and there around the corner of a bend down the lane i travel. My wait as i percieve it now is for the key to unfold my destiny before myself. That destiny of mine which i am destined to behold.

PAIN

Sometimes in the drift of time we stand alone.....may be not at deserted and directionless cross roads, may be not in the deserted dark woods, may be not in between the deep oceans. It could be amidst a crowd and noise you still feel alone and silence echoing from the depths of the heart. The anguish in the heart burns every living cell from the gut to the brain until the life evaporates and the sensation dies. At that instant nothing really matters at all. The eyes become indifferent to every shade. The pain no more twines the heart. Everything living is reduced to smoke and the soul stands still even in a whirlpool.

ABSTRACT THOUGHTS...

I close my eyes and refrain from light,
I seal my mind and leave my thoughts in darkness,
I shut my lips and go unheard,
I cease to exist and go unoticed.

Is it the end? or the beginig?
Is it the fall ?or trasfiguration to a new plane?
Is it stumbling into darkness? or embracing nothingness?
Is it a murder?or a birth of a new life?

I do not wish to evaporate, neithr do i want to breathe.
I do not wish to fall down the cliff, neither do i want to scale new heights.
I do not wish to shrink my world, neither do i want to cross new frontiers.
I do not wish to hate, neither do i want to love.


This isnt a product of desolation,dejection or renunciation. It was just an outcome to go deep into one self. It is just an abstract thought and an unheard song of the wandering soul for its true destination.

DECCAN BY ROAD.....

It was almost certain that it would be my last breathe of air I inhaled in Hyderabad in the near future. I could'nt quite take the thought of moving to bhopal for a couple of months ( phew! glad i'll be back to vizag once my engineering college starts) on the account of dad's transfer. Nevertheless as the last day arrived when i had to bid adieu to hyd. I did'nt find it that difficult as I thought it would be for me, rather a new perspective engulfed me.I started looking forward upon the journey we were to undertake from Hyderabad to Bhopal with a night halt at Nagpur.Mom woke me early in the morning on 12'th so that we can start off early. As soon as we braced ourselves and let behind our neighbors waving bye at us, I was on a SMS spree letting all my riends know about my departure and that i wont have my cell with me any more too. Sob sob.....We did speed of pretty well before it got hot and managed to reach Adilabad by about 11:30 in the afternoon when we started at 5:45 from Hyderabad. Adilabad outskirts was the last when i saw sign boards is telugu. Later we entered Maharashtra around noon. It was clearly marked by change of topography. To me the rocks resembled as the age old remains of lava flow due to a volcanic eruption.Now people out there should excuse me for my ignorance but I only reported what i felt like seeing those huge, lifeless, black and brownish carpet like rock structure. It has nothing to do with any scientific or geological knowledge.As soon as we entered Maharashtra mom dad were keen to scale maximum miles the same day by taking a shorter route avoiding Nagpur. The Nagpur highway was'nt that good. It was rugged eroded and very bumpy. We stoped at a nearby dhaba and checked out what was available for lunch.The south indian food was already replaced by parathas already on the menu. As i predicted my health freaky mom would order something like curd rice, she jsut made my predictions true. Just as I put up a sulky face for having curd rice and trying to slip a few spoons under my table to a stray dog, a battalion of Bison regiment coming from Jabalpur halted their trucks near the same dhaba. I was glad to see them as i knew that the Bison regiment would go and report at secunderabad near my former house as that was their base. How i longed to go back to hyderabad with them :( We soaked our handkechief and towels to save us from the heat wave, but to my surprise they got dry just within 3 minutes after we resumed our journey.We took the Yavothmal road. Travelling against the central india's heat wave at noon wasnt a good idea. Yet i crouched in the back seat of my car and just gazed out of the window as my dad drove along the comparatively less bumpy road. It was a lot more greener than the actual highway to Nagpur (the part of the road before we took the detour) . As we neared yavothmal a saw a huge ITC outlet in the outskirts of the city and was quite amazed to find it there. I didnt see anything like that down south and was dumbstruck that some remote place had something as big as that.(am not sure if yavothmal is a remote place in the first place, so dont grunt at me if am wrong... :) ) . From

to b conti....

LEGACY OF MY IIT-JEE 2007

It all started with my cousin's visit to my place with a calvin and hobbes comic and a box full of hersheys chocolates when I was in about 6'th grade. He came home from singapore after his research. And afer he left mom started prasising him and crowned him with all the good names I was aware of untill then because he graduated from IIT. According to people that was the temple of learning and store house of real brains in India. I got fascinated by all thatI heard and started imagining myself awed at too. And when I actually planted the seed of IIT in my brain little did i know about its nature and the effort it demanded except for the laurels and big bucks the IITians fetch for themselves.
It was just not me here. Probably each one had a different start but around ten folks from my class declared their aspirations of getting the tag of beeing IITians behind their names too. And so 1 among us joined a famous couching institute for IIT JEE and so did the rest of us, and offcourse the aspiring 7'th grade pupil myself too. Since i was a good student at school always a pain in the neck to my teachers with my ever ending questions, a sweet pain though[:D], they directed my mom to put me in IIT track.With my initial excietment and ignorance 1'st few days were bed of roses. I liked the liberty we were given to ask anything under the skies and got explinations for that too. But as time rolled a little reality struck like a thunderbolt.I realised I had to put in more than what I was giving to it, I had to work harded and stick to books which i was nevr used to coming from a CBSE background. I realised i was not the best here unlike at school and I was neither toping in the exams as i used to do at school. I was never used to scoring less all my life, so it kind of shook the ground beneath me and i started hating the coaching center. Every time i felt low mom used to give me strength and used to plant me in the battle field. But somehow my like has already turned into dislike and the more i hated it the more i wanted to achieve it. Yet sumthing got clearly ingrained in my mind that IIT was not my cup of tea. So thats how some wonderful evenings of my school days were ruined in the dark rooms of my coaching center.

Finally with a good score in my boards i was out of the school as well as vizag. Dad got transfered to hyderabad so moved along with him. But IIT still haunted me. Hyderabad is supposed to be a hub to produce IITians. And not to mention about institutes like rammaiyah and krishna murthy's v study circle for which all the 10'th passouts and IIT aspirants would give the enterance exam to get in. And because of the crap competition i had to join in a coaching center to actually get into another coachin center [:O]....phew....!!And because of that i had to miss my farewell and join immidiately after my board exams. My summer was spent in classes and giving various exams for institutes that offered IIT JEE coaching. I was pretty sure that i wont be gettin into anything but i couldnt expect much with my rotten luck and i got into krishnamurthy [:(] well got into the newly established S.R.nagar branch. I still cant figure out if its a boon or a bane. At this point my hopes on IIT revived again after a good performance in the summer and wanted to give it a try so plunged into it again.

Here starts my another phase in the journey during my 11'th and 12'th which was full of rollercoaster ride. During this phase things were totally different. I will certainly give an acoount of my college life in another post.So with reloaded excitement and enthusiasm it kicked off well. Used to pay keen attention to all that was going on in the class and bent at completing the chapters from different books the same day. Initially i knew a very few people of my class though i almost spoke with every girl and gave them the impression of a chatterbox right the first day. It was all more like mind your business and spy on what the other person is studying and just get away. But as the time rolled and as a few tests were conducted things changed. Like all the elite folks who scored exceptionally well flocked together and we termed them aliens and never bothered to disturb them. And the rest who have stuff as well but dont really score as high as the rest teamed up and started working together.Stay backs after college timings, using library extensively was done initially.But as we got used to the college, staff and folks around us and when we were looking around for a break i guess i took quite a long one. Friendships started getting thick and so hanging out and going to each other's place and longer pani puri breaks ruined loads of study time. And when friendships were getting strong it is kind of obvious that we get into some or the other row. Spent ample of time in petty fights and stupid misunderstandings. Come what may all of us stuck to each other till the end. Or atleast thats what we promised each other. Each one of were keen to know what the other one studying and what books he or she was following. And everyday we promised to do some quality work at home after college but in vain. Yet none of us got tiered of planing a new study time table every day which seldome got executed. There were days when we got ignited by our lecturer's inspirational speeches and strained our eyes for a couple of hours together at a stretch, but alas nothing lasted too long :( . Days rolled too fast and we didnt realise that it was december and we just had 3 more months to hit IIT-JEE. Attendence could be counted on finger tips and we prefered staying at home and studying. But well it wasnt a bright idea again, so we strated alternating between college and home where ever we could study the best. And when feb approached we were forced to open our intermediate course which we never did all through the two years except once in 11'th before the boards. And so devoted ten days of feb was devoted to 11'th n 12'th and 15 days in march to write the boards. And after that all that we had was just IIT before us. All of us grew daam serious during that time and sacrificed net and cell totally.

Now the D day arrived. It was on april 8'th andi had to go to lallaguda railway degree college to give my JEE. Mom and dad escorted me to the center and i could see many more anxious parents with their children just as mine. In fact i was really amused by the sight of all the tensed parents who were trying to assure their children and give them confidence. Man cant they just leave them in silence before the exam seriously i couldnt take all that. So finally i got into my room and was waiting for the instructions. The question paper had a seal which i couldnt open untill the invigilator asked me to. Yet i was trying to peek into the paper with a little success. As soon as i opened the paper and just fliped through i felt like i was struck by a thunderbolt. I didnt imagine even in my wildest dreams that it could be so easy. As i was going further and attempting my paper i feareed of faring really well which i couldnt believe actually. I came out of the hall dumbstruck. Mom was eager to hear what i would say. She feared the shock over my face but releaved to hear that it was due to a pleasant reason. Had some icecreams and some home made food and headed back to write paper-2. Since paper-1 seemed easy i expected paper-2 to be a bit tough. But to my surprise even that was pretty easy and almost followed the footsteps on paper-1. I almost screamed seeing the paper i guess. It was kinda difficult to conceal my happiness on seeing the paper. Exam was a grand success, as far as i know i've done pretty well and i actually coudnt believe that. Later i learnt that almost all the folks have done as well as i did or may be better than me. But well never mind, i still had some hope and feared a heart attack if in case i hear that i cleared JEE. So here i sit awaiting my result. More later......

LIFEZ BUISINESS.....

Well i say life is buisiness...and one should mind their own....the one who doesnt is the biggest fool...there is no place for crap emotions and sentiments....this is just a mechanical world...every thing done and said here means buisiness....even a smile or a tear shed has some meaning and a mission to be accomplished. Basically the world runs on bucks. This one is as true as the sun raises in the east or that bush has gone crazy [:P] And when its not bucks its the turn of fame that matters. Either way its just buisiness. Now u might pull up its not the same with mother, her love towards her child isnt buisiness. And to that i'll say who the fuck is talking about mother and child relationship, that can be discussed in some other post.
love between a boy and a girl is just crap. Here love means buisiness, u can get a date or a partner for a stupid dance conveniently in the name of love. Just make some fake vows of he/she is the best thing that could happen to ur life.
And now coming to friends. Another bunch of emotional fools. Just share some not so important personal stuff and lend them ur soulder and they are in.
Parents, aaahh parents...living gods they say....bla bla bla...who cares....we care about how much they put in our account n they care about showing us as their trophy of their success.

ALAS!

Days seem bright and beautiful
birds chirping, and flowers blooming
smile spreading, and skies gleaming
thoughts unperturbed, eyes seeing one face
one reflection, one voice, one thought
that carries me on and on and on.......

Every breath i take,
i live a million lives
every time i close my eyes,
i cherish a million moments
every time i smile to myself,
i recollect the treasured memories worth a million

Alas....the days rolled and the seasons changed
skies darkened and heart crippled
birds flew and flowers shed their petals
smile seems lost in dreams
and the face in the eyes dwindles in waters
the ripples have shaken the silence
one relection, one voice, one thought
that carries me on and on and on..........